Can we “bear” it? Yes, we can!
One tool I've found to be invaluable in helping me access Time and Season and Purpose is that of the feminine, seasonal archetypes.
I certainly did not invent the concepts of the Maiden, the Mother, the Matriarch-Queen, and the Crone, nor their pairings with the four seasons; instead, I refined and reframed these pairings as the Well-Seasoned framework.
Using this framework, I created the chart below to help us tease out the SHIFTS that occur as we move from Summer's MOTHERING into Autumn's Matriarch-Queening.
There's a lot in this one we could talk about over coffee, right? But, do me a favor, read each row (across) right now to feel the difference between what happens when we're in the midst of some kind of creative MOTHERING --whether it's a kitchen reno project, a child, a garden, a poem, etc.--and then what should naturally and creatively occur next.
I mean, what happens once the reno is done, the kid is through college/training/boot camp, all the tomatoes have been harvested, and the poem is written, revised, & edited?
Might I suggest that it's now time for some Matriarch-Queening?
That is, it's time to let it go. To label it Good Enough. To thank it, enjoy it, and share it with others. Your project has reached its natural maturity, and it's time to follow Cousin Bear in the BIG RELEASE.
I KNOW (Oh, how do I know!) how scary it can be to loosen our white-knuckle grip and LET GO. To stop focusing on all the perpetual tweaking & fussing we find ourselves doing--well past the natural time and season and purpose of the project. To cease our habitual “busying” and instead get curious about what might lie beneath the surface of our seemingly endless hanging on.
Maybe it's perfectionism (Just ONE more thing and then maybe it'll be perfect). Maybe it's fear of letting go of our familiar story role (If I'm not a Mom/Home Renovator/Tomato Protector/Poet Nurturer, who am I?). Maybe it's anxiety over unscheduled time/space (What will I do to feel purposeful if I don't have THIS?) Maybe it's fear that without our help control, the project will be not be received the way we feel it should (What if it/they fails to make it on its/their own?)
But the simple truth is that there is a season and time and purpose for EVERY thing.
This means, yes, there is a season for all-in Mothering--when we're called to protect/nurture/guide with all of our might.
But, there's also a time and season when Mothering ceases to be a good investment of our time and energy. When, in fact, continuing to Mother becomes counterproductive-- and actually keeps us from ripening, from flowing from season to season. Instead of being Well-Seasoned, we become stuck, and then the fruits of our labor also suffer.
Practicing Matriarch-Queening
Like anything else, practice makes good enough. But where to begin? Here are a few tools I continue to find helpful in my own Matriarch-Queening journey.
#1 Practice paying attention to your body's messages
When I can catch my body reacting to something by CONSTRICTING (holding my breath, clenching my fists or jaw, scrunching my shoulders, etc), I begin to get in touch with that part of me that might be resisting release, shift, and/or my FLOW.
Whew, my jaw is TIGHT. What was I just thinking about? Oh, whether or not I should invite friends over for lunch to see my home reno. Guess I'm anxious that it's not perfect enough (yet) for that??!!! Oh, jeez. There you are, Perfectionism. Thanks, but you're not needed here. I mean, true friends are excited to celebrate each other's lives. Thanks, Body [as I massage my jaw]; it's time to practice letting go of this reno and begin sharing it with the world by inviting at least one person over this week.
#2 Practice LEANING BACK
This is about letting go of assumptions. It's about not volunteering. It's about neither leaning-in nor carrying-on with “business as usual,” but instead creating a little space and time and opportunity for something NEW to emerge. (All Matriarch-Queen skills)
So, when an adult loved one is sharing a problem, hardship, or complaint with you, instead of jumping in there and “motherly advicing” the heck outta the moment, consider leaning back a bit and ASKING what would be most helpful.
Wow, that's a lot. I'm feeling all the feels along with you, but I want to make sure you get what you need. So, what would be most helpful right now? I mean, are you sharing because you need a venting buddy? Or do you need a good listener, so you can think your way through this? Or are you sharing because you're asking for my opinion/problem-solving help?
I've been shocked (!) at the number of times the loved one has chosen an option that didn't include my advice (!), but rather requested simple SHOWING UP & CONNECTING skills. “I just needed someone to share with & I wanted it to be you.”
Oh.
#3 Practice letting yourself get excited about each season's gifts
Okay, right now, scroll up to the Mama Bear/Matriarch Bear chart, and read down that right-hand column.
What comes up for you as you read it? Curiosity? Panic? Relief? Puzzlement? Joy? Excitement? Stress?
NOTE: This past weekend, I was browsing in an artsy little gift shop when I found a shirt that read--I used to be stressed all the time, but since I reframed “stress” as “excitement,” I'm experiencing a much happier life. Please feel free to co-adopt this reframe with me :)
Let's keep reminding each other that every season is a gift. It's vital to remember that cycle completion is a sustainable, creative model that works for Mama Nature and works for us--when we let it.
Accepting the cosmic invitation to intuitively and intentionally participate in every portion of our creative cycles leads to goodness. To fullness. To sustainability and ripening and transformation.
One season, one purpose at a time.
Let's not miss a thing, okay?
Until next time,
xo
