how to practice letting go
So, let’s say you’ve identified something in need of Letting Go. You know, something like these, perhaps?
A role you’ve outgrown “Sheesh, I’m no longer the Mom of teenagers” or “I’m ready to let go of my role as the perpetual host of the holiday feast” or “Well, my friends expect me to be the one who always drives, but I’m ready to see that change!”
A habitual thought-pattern that’s holding you back “I’m ready to let go of taking everything personally” or “I’m done with working so hard at being nice all the time just so everybody will like me” or “Why do I give other people’s opinions of me more weight than I give my own opinion of me?”
If this is you, then WELCOME! You’re in exactly the right place. Just keep reading.
setting reasonable expectations for the process
Here’s the main thing to remember, okay?
Practicing Letting Go is going to be messy & awkward, so let’s just get a jump on all that messy & awkward by welcoming it on in, understanding that progress will look a lot like not making progress. For a good while.
I mean, we’re gonna go a whole day thinking/doing the very thing we’re trying to Let Go of & then, at the end of the day, realize that we forgot to actually practice Letting Go of it.
Then, one time, we’ll get through the first step, but then get distracted and not flow through the rest of the framework. Probably more than once.
Then, eventually, we’ll get through the whole framework once & think, “Okay, I’ve got it” only to realize, we don’t. Yet.
And every bit of these intentional shenanigans is okay.
BecauseWell-Seasoned Women are all about messing up but showing up anyway, again and again until we achieve some growth that lasts for—oh, at least a few minutes, anyway! I mean, that’s how most authentic, long-lasting growth happens. #slowlyandawkwardly
We’ll just keep reminding each other: It’s not about getting it perfect; it’s about continuing to practice.
Now, I think we’re ready for the framework.
a well-seasoned framework to practice letting go
#1 Notice & Name
Notice that you’re having the unwanted thought or entertaining the no-longer-needed impulse. It’s a quick & simple— “Oh, there it is again” —kind of moment.
And then, along with noticing, give the thought/impulse its rightful name or label. Nothing fancy, just what works for you. “Oh, I’m noticing my holiday host impulse again.” [You know, when your brain is telling you to step in, fill the silence, and volunteer to host the holiday gathering again.]
Or, “Hmmm, I’m feeling the urge to give some unsolicited advice to my grown-ass child right now.” (Where your mouth is urging you to share that thing that they simply MUST NOT forget to do.)
This is all there is to the Notice & Name step. ‘Tis but the work of a moment & then we’re ready for what’s next.
#2 Sense & Stay
Here, we shift from noticing the thought/impulse in our head to sensing it in our bodies. We might never have noticed before how that thought waaaaaaay up there in our brain actually shows up physically in the rest of our body, but, you know what? It does.
Maybe it’s that your feet get all jittery. Maybe your heart begins racing. Maybe you break out in a sweat. Maybe your breathing becomes panting, your hands or stomach or butt starts clenching, or you bite your lip, or start moving your jaw back & forth. Whatever it is, go ahead and allow yourself to sense it, in a real, visceral way.
And then stay there, in all that sensing—for as long as needed.
The truth is, when we put our attention into simply sensing how not-acting-on-the-impulse shows up in our bodies, and then we practice staying with the unease & discomfort long enouh to allow our body to fully process through whatever it’s sensing, the body does, in fact, eventually soften.
This’ll feel like our heartbeat slowing, our clenched parts unclenching, and our jittery parts calming. Sorta Exactly as if we’re returning to ourselves.
Like Top Gun’s Maverick, we’ve gotta learn to not abandon “our wing man”—aka, our physical body—while it does what it does so well, on our behalf.
#3 Exhale & Reframe
Once we’ve made it to this point, we’ll naturally notice our breathing slowing and deepening along with the body softening that is happening. Instead of holding our breath, we find ourselves able to access some real respiration. So, this is the time to go ALL IN & perform a deep, cleansing exhale or five.
Exhaling fully is a beautiful, beautiful thing that somehow resets us, body & soul.
And then, it’s time for the reframe, which is all about saying, “There was a time when I entertained THAT, but now, I’m moving forward with THIS.”
For example, “There was a time when I believed that I was the one who could best host our family’s holiday dinner, but now I’d like us to explore options that would allow other people to contribute to/assume responsibility for our gathering” or “There was a time when my guidance was needed to help my kids mature well, but I now allow my grown ass children to figure things out for themselves & ask when they want my opinion.”
That’s it. That’s the framework. And honestly? By the time we get here, we deserve a small dance break, where we play the music we love best as loudly as we want & we leap and jump about in joy. Because we’re grown ass women, and we’re showing up to be the boss of us. And because we’re getting clearer and clearer about what all needs to be Let Go of.
I believe the Well-Seasoned Letting Go Framework has the power to help us live into the change we want to see & be in the world. And I want all of you to join me in crafting lives & legacies filled with this kind of very practical magic. #PracticeMakesChange
