Just me & my shadow
Here in Maryland on this late November day, I'm facing windows that allow me a really current view of Mama Nature's “shadow art” that is on display in my front yard.
Full afternoon? Nope. Nada. Instead, it seems we go from pre-lunch sun to an extended, shadowy, evening dusk in about 15 minutes.
I imagine Emily Dickinson, one of my favorite American poets, was speaking of just such a time of year as this when she wrote…
“I am out with lanterns
looking for myself”
I get it. After spending so much time trying to figure out how to do life by gauging what I'm putting OUT THERE in the material world, it makes sense that when I feel nudged to engage with my True Self, I'd grab a lantern and start the search where it feels most familiar--in the external world.
The thing is, Autumn is the season of the Matriarch-Queen, and she is ALL ABOUT the shift from orienting ourselves OUT THERE to searching for what's happening IN HERE, in the nooks and crannies and shadows that have been cast in our hearts, bodies, and minds simply by living on planet earth for awhile.
It's for this reason, I recently “sat down” with the Matriarch-Queen for an introductory interview regarding the journey inward to shine a lantern on the Shadows that dwell within. Enjoy!
@martino_pietropoli
An Interview with the Matriarch-Queen
K: To get started, could you talk about what is meant by a person's Shadow?
MQ:
I like how the psychotherapist Carl Jung put it: our “shadow self” is the place we put all the things we repress/don't want to acknowledge.
So, our “Shadow Selves” most often contain a combination of all the impulses we don't want to recognize as having--like jealousy or anger or greed or shame, as well as anything that doesn't fit nicely with the story of our lives that we've been consciously and unconsciously editing along the way.
K: Why should I attempt to engage with my Shadow?
MQ:
I've found three pretty powerful reasons for some intentional, courageous, Shadow peering whenever we find ourselves in one of our many autumns.
Firstly, it's impossible to forge a deep connection with someone who is disconnected from herself. Becoming Well-Seasoned involves forging deep connections with our whole selves--and that'll mean the parts of us that we push forward into the limelight and the parts that we've been shoving into our Shadow.
As we become more connected with our whole selves, a pathway opens up for authentic connection with others. Engaging in Shadow Work means we begin acknowledging the messy struggles we as humans share-- body shaming, racism, greed, the need to be right, the need to be certain, sexual shaming, etc., and this “Me, too!” identity invites others to truly connect with us in our shared awkwardness.
And, let's not forget that we either show up to do the work of transforming our pain or we will transmit it--usually to those we love most. As the researcher and author, Brene Brown says:
“When we deny our stories, they define us. When we own our stories, we get to write a brave new ending.”
K: If what's in our Shadow is so well hidden, how do we begin accessing it?
MQ:
Carl Jung once said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” So, I suggest we begin by noticing when someone makes an irritating comment, or launches into an irritating rant, or does something that simply irritates the heck out of us. NOTE: This is somehow really easy for a lot of people to begin to notice around the holidays. :)
K: What tools might help me with engaging my Shadow?
MQ:
Okay, first I think we need to reframe the way we approach our Shadow because, quite frankly, there are way too many of us who approach life with an attitude of “I don't do discomfort,” and that's not gonna work here. Just as the traditional medical doctor's oath begins with “First, do no harm,” I suggest we remind ourselves of these 3 principles:
When I know more, I have the opportunity of doing better--but I can't address what I refuse to see/acknowledge
Shadow Work is NOT about judging myself; it's about learning to unconditionally love ALL of me
Paying Attention & Getting Curious are my best friends!
With these in mind, there are a number of tools a woman might use to pursue her Shadow Work. These include the Enneagram, a 12-step program (No, it's not limited to substance addicts only), a book/course by an authority in the work of Joseph Campbell and/or Carl Jung, and/or some sessions with a good therapist.
I recommend exploring several of the above, and then selecting one to commit to for a deeper dive.
K: A thousand thanks for taking the time to share your wisdom with us today, Matriarch-Queen. As always, it's been full of goodness.
MQ:
You are most welcome.
________________________________________________
I'll end with a reworked version of the Dickinson poem:
“I am in here,
sitting with my Shadows,
discovering my whole self,
and I am safe”
Until next time,
