Maybe it's a piece of inherited furniture that just doesn't work in our current home.

Maybe it's an ill-fitting dress that makes us feel bad about our body but that cost a lot of money, so we can't NOT wear it, right?

Maybe it's a kid who is ready and demanding to “I can do it by myself."

Whatever and whoever it is, Letting Go is a THING, isn't it?

I mean, knowing there's a time to Hang On, followed by a time to Let Go can be a soul-freeing relief and a deep knife wound through the heart. At the same time.

cultural mishmash

Perhaps this is because culturally, we haven't been conditioned to Let Go well.

The social message we women have been handed for millenia is pretty much, “Be it all & do it all, and keep doing that (never letting go), world without end, Amen.” It's a ridiculously unrealistic message that pressures women into RESISTING Letting Go.

But then, more recently, the message being shouted from the rooftops advises us to just, “Let it (all) go!”

Say, what? I mean, it's a lot, people; it's a lot!

‘Cause even though this might seem like a way to balance out the other, older message, this current version of Letting Go seems to be about doing whatever it takes to avoid any discomfort and skipping over the harder, more challenging work of setting & maintaining boundaries.

And, that’s not cool for those of us who wanna live fully and freely into every season and every purpose-- not missing anything that's meant for our good.

NOTE: Sometimes Letting Go is a necessary response to persistent, trauma-related situations, but that's NOT what we're talking about here. So, if you or someone you love is encountering trauma, please see a mental health professional as soon as possible.

getting untangled

We women are smart. We figure things out. We do hard things.

But it can be so darn complicated to navigate daily life when we're being constantly bombarded by messaging that makes us either resist Letting Go when it's time and/or prefer Letting Go all the time.

We've gotta keep reminding each other that we are not messed up; the messaging is!

Hence the need to practice flowing smoothly from Hanging On to Letting Go.

The best A good enough way to begin practicing?

Increasing our awareness of where we're flowing vs. where we might be resisting or preferring.

a preference for letting go

My daughter, Tory, readily admits that she prefers Letting Go when it comes to items in her home. She regularly purges clothing, toys, books, knick knacks, and furniture with the efficiency of high-powered, German machine. Her mantra? We must be ruthless.

Her hubby, Patrick, reports that he has to justify the need for their kitchen blender's place on the counter.

Tory: Do we really need this thing? (indicates blender)

Patrick: (more or less patiently) Yes, Tory. I use the blender every morning to make my breakfast smoothie.

Tory: (incredulously) You do?

Patrick: (emphatically) Yes!

Tory: (reluctantly) Well, okay.

Patrick reports this conversation happens, pretty much verbatim, and pretty much every weekend.

This, dear ones, is showing a preference--my daughter's-- for Letting Go, in a fun, innocuous way.

Of course this Letting Go preference can also become truly problematic, like when we experience

A rush to ghost a relationship after the first minor disagreement
A new-is-always-better mindset, where we regularly discard the familiar (must have the latest & greatest of all the things, right now!)
A constant fear of being stuck, cramped, or bored, to the point that we cannot/will not hunker down or push through the job, project, relationship, wellness initiative, etc.
A belief that if it's not easy, it's wrong & deserving of being erased

You relating to any of this?

a resistance to letting go

At the same time, I have at least one friend whose approach to household belongings is quite different from Tory's.

There are those among us who refuse to part with ANY of the items that came from, say, great-great-granny's home, including that one fragmented piece of a broken cookie jar, and who Hang On to every piece of paper that their child carelessly scrawled a red crayon over, way back when, so that the boxes (generously) labeled Art Work are legion.

If you're chuckling now, then I know you know.

But still, when we problematically resist Letting Go it might feel like…

A reluctance to ending a relationship that has long outlived its benefit for either party
A new-is-always-unnecessary mindset, where we regularly discard the unfamiliar (a new piece of software that “just seems too hard," or an, “but we've always done it THIS way” perspective)
A constant fear of missing out on, losing touch with, or being untethered by a long-held job, role, relationship, project, etc. so we continue to keep on keeping on, to infinity and beyond

the flow of letting go

Of course, Letting Go doesn't have to go like that. We are more than capable of noticing patterns of resistance and/or preference.

And once we notice them, we're able to practice allowing something new to arise.

Something that recognizes that there is indeed a season & purpose for everything…

A time to Say Good-by

A time to Say Hello

A time to Hang On

A time to Let Go

Something that helps us flow from one season to the next, in a timely fashion.

dolly/us

Here in the newsletter, we've been following our fictional musician, Dolly, as she progresses through each creative season in pursuit of putting out a a successful new album. So far, she's made it through Saying Hello & Hanging On & is now heading into Letting Go.

For Dolly, Letting Go will involve declaring the songs are “good enough” and heading to the recording studio, where the songs will eventually make their way onto an album that gets sold wherever albums are sold.

Depending on how well album sells, Dolly might decide to go on tour or make a number of public appearances to promote the album, taking stock of people's reaction to her work.

When she's in her flow state, Dolly won't jump into the recording studio too soon & risk an inferior album (preferring), nor will she perpetually extend her time in her songwriting cabin, endlessly tweaking and fiddling with songs that just don't ever seem “good enough" (resisting).

Instead, in the fullness of time, she will flow, moving from Hanging On to Letting Go--beautifully, awkwardly, messily, imperfectly.

And if Dolly can do it, then by all that is holy, so can we.

The challenge for the next little bit?

Noticing.

Let's notice when we're resisting. Let's notice where we're preferring.

Let's just notice, understanding that that we can't make any changes until we're aware of the patterns and habits that are messing up our FLOW.

We've got this.